Tag Archives: spouse

Do You Deserve The Perfect Spouse?

I went to college late in life. I was in my late 20’s when I started and married. It was a little annoying when class conversations would turn toward the subject of Marriage. The college kids talking about it were only guessing, but being true college students, they spoke as if their word was law. I realized a common theme amongst these Christian college students… they were all waiting for the “perfect” spouse. Every one of them had a different idea of what that was… and a different idea of how they would meet them.

They would go into detail of what this person would be like. Godly, kind, disciplined, trustworthy, faithful, etc. They had it all figured out. The only thing I ever wanted to say was:

Are you the type of person would would attract a person like that?

I specifically remember this one angry girl in one class. She was determined not to date at all until she found the “right man”. It was obvious that she was hurt in the past… and that even if the perfect man did come along… he was going to run screaming from her because of all of the baggage.

So to all the singles out there… have your dream man or woman… but make sure you’re becoming the type of person they would be attracted to. The type of person they would deserve to have. The kind of person who could give back rather than sap all of their good qualities dry.

An honest person wants someone honest.

A loving person wants someone who’s loving.

A giving person doesn’t need someone who takes.

A clean-living person doesn’t want someone with addictions.

Mentally create your ideal mate, then imagine the type of person they would want to marry. That’s the you, you need to be.

Ways To Make Your Wife’s Birthday Extra Special (That Won’t Break You)

Due to a crazy busy few weeks, I have had my wife’s birthday sneak up on me. Not only is it tomorrow… but she’s a girl who never knows what she wants. It’s nice to have a wife that isn’t materialistic… but it’s hard on the husband. 🙂

She likes the typical stuff like presents, a cake and a party or dinner but what really does it for her are the special extras that show her I care. They especially come in handy when you’re out of town on her birthday and need to do some extra just to make it seem less than normal.

Here are some ways to add a little extra to her special day.

1. Let her sleep in. This is especially important if you have children.

2. Feed the family. Three meals a day is a huge responsibility. You can’t give her a day off without taking that one over for her. The kids may not be pleased with PB & J three times in a row… but Mom will love it!

3. Make sure she owns her current top 5 favorite songs. Thanks to iTunes and the like, it’s easy to purchase a lot of good music without spending a ton on a full CD like we did back in the day. Find out what she’s listening to on the radio, interpret the sketchy description, and purchase your best guess for her.

4. Write her a list of things you love about her. Your lady doesn’t realize how much you appreciate her. You don’t appreciate her enough. Writing up a huge list of things you love and appreciate is good for both of you. See my latest list of things I love about my wife.

5. Clean out and detail her car. Maybe you do this already… then do it again… and make it smell really good!

6. Clean her house and do the dishes. Do an extra good job. Pull the sofa away from the wall. Move the TV. Vacuum and dust like mad. Get the kids involved. Light a new Yankee Candle you picked up to make it even better.

7. Candles, novels or movies. Chances are your wife is in to one or more of those three things. Buy some. What candles does she have that are low? She wants a new one. What movies has she seen and enjoyed? Pick up a copy. Find her favorite authors and see if they’ve written anything new. You can’t lose.

8. Ask the kids what they appreciate about their Mom. Help them make a card and write it out for them (unless they’re big enough to do it themselves).

9. Massages. Buy some massage oil to make it even better (and easier on your hands).

10. Write up a book of coupons that they can cash in later for child care, breakfast in bed, sleeping in, etc. Let the giving continue way past the birthday. Make more than one of each!

11. Have a birthday message read from her favorite podcast! 😉 Half joking… but really, it’s an idea. You can sponsor an episode of Geek Loves Nerd and we’ll dedicate the entire show to her… and read a message just from you!

How To Put Your Spouse First

This is something I’m working on more and more each day. See, I tend to be a selfish person. I think at our core most of us would have to say the same thing. We prefer being served over serving others for example.

In every situation I’ve been asking myself this question to help me be better at putting my wife’s needs above my own:

What do I want? Give that to her!

Simple… but very hard to do. For instance… we’re going out to eat. I have a place I want to go to… so does she… but they’re not the same place. I can fight for what I want… or I can give her what I want. It’s different than giving in… or losing. It’s a chance for us to willingly provide for the other person what we want ourselves.

I hear this giving thing comes back around. Plant a good seed and good things grow. I’m looking forward to that.

What do you do to help from being to selfish in your relationship? Post your thoughts in the comments.

Online Accountability Is Important For Us Married Peeps

Accountability on the Internet is important whether you’re married or not… but for those of us who are hitched… it’s not just important, it’s all but mandatory. For the married person, accountability is easy. You’ve got a built-in accountability partner!

If I ever screw up my marriage… I want it to be for something half-way worthwhile… not some stupid internet stunt. That’s why I let my wife have full access to my online life. I have no secrets online. Here’s some of my suggestions:

I believe it’s very important for your spouse to know what you’re doing online.

I’m not saying they need to be checking your browsing history every moment of the day… but they should be able to any time they wish.

Your spouse should be able to access your email account.

Does your wife or husband have your password? Mine does. I don’t think she’s ever used it… but she could if she wanted to.

Your spouse should be able to get all up in your cell phone.

This includes photos, call history, chat, email messages. My phone is not locked. Jenn can see anything she wants. I have nothing to hide… except for bad spelling in text messages.

If something weird happens, your spouse should be told.

Did you click on something in Facebook that launched one thousand dirty pop-ups? Did a friend send a seedy image? Did an over zealous female try to start someone online? Delete it or stop it and share it with your spouse.

The computer should be in a high-traffic area.

It’s hard to get into trouble online if you aren’t alone with the internets.

Don’t chat.

Visiting random chatrooms is not a great idea for anyone honestly… but especially married people. That’s why I like Twitter. You can talk to folks… but it’s public. Even private messages are archived. I’ve been known to chat back and forth with co-workers and friends using Google Chat… but that keeps a written record of every chat that my wife could scan at anytime. I just don’t believe it’s a good idea to use software that allows for random connections in a one-on-one situation.