Change is the name of the game around here at my house. I’ll wait to reveal what those changes are until after they have taken effect… but in the mean time just know that they are potentially good changes… but life altering.
Since my mind was on change in the context of family, I thought I’d write up a post on some of the steps Jenn and I have taken, between the two of us… and our children.
1. We’ve talked out everything… over and over… again and again.
Change is scary. It pushes all of your buttons. When the change is life altering, it can easily affect your security, relationship, stress level, moods and stress level. It’s important for couples to share those feelings. We found that we were sharing a lot of the same feelings.
We’re not just talking about feelings though… there are a lot of potentially scary choices to be made when change happens. It’s important to hear one another out when considering your options. Two are better than one and a marriage comes with a different perspective built right in.
We men like to talk things through once. We set our mind toward a goal and start heading that way. It’s already done in our minds… but my wife isn’t like me. She seems to forget the big picture and wants to go through it all again. She wants to know that everything’s still okay… and that things are still going the way we wanted them to go. This isn’t weakness… it’s balance. Someone needs to see the forest… and someone else needs to watch out out for the trees.
2. We’re in total agreement… about everything.
It’s always been a thing with us… we don’t make any major life changes without both of us ‘feeling’ it. It’s mandatory in our family. Even if I’m totally sold on something… if I don’t have her support… I don’t even try it. Why? Because even if I’m right… but I don’t have her beside me… it will fail anyway. The ends do not justify the means.
I truly believe that God even thinks this is a good idea. Our past is full of choices that we made in unity that I know were His will for us. We’ve NEVER made a bad choice together. Never… except our 2nd child. 😉
3. We’re moving slow.
A wise man once told me, “You’ll always miss God[‘s Will] going too fast… but you’ll never miss Him going too slow.” Once we’ve made our decisions we always make a commitment to take things very slowly. This gives God plenty of time to talk to us and redirect us if He needs to. We also commit to never making a single choice that we can’t instantly un-make if He calls us to. It’s just how we roll. I can’t see my own future… but God is there. We trust him to lead us.
4. We’re putting one another first.
Change is typically done to improve things for everyone involved… but not always. Sometimes the change benefits one over the other. In a marriage that should never matter. True love doesn’t keep score. It is not selfish. It puts the needs of the other before their own. Even without the Bible stuff it just makes sense… when you keep your spouse happy… it makes your life better.
5. We’re not telling the kids.
Though our children are a huge consideration in anything that we do… they are not a part of the decision making process itself. Granted, they’re 4 and 1 years of age… but even if they were teens… the job of directing this family lies in our hands.
As it is, since they are so young, we’re just going to trust steps 1-4 to gently carry them through the transition. Plus, if they don’t have the ability to understand something… it’s not for them to know yet. All it will do is unlock parts of their mind that they should be having to deal with until their older anyway.
If you follow the podcast and the blog… then I know you’re dying to know what the deal is. So are we… but in the mean time just know that it’s good stuff… but we still need to be careful. Keep us in your prayers.