Switching Places
For those who listen to the Geek Loves Nerd podcast and even The Gospel of Kennison, my audio journal, I’ve mentioned on at least two occasions that I felt a major life change coming. At the time, I had no idea what that would be… but it came anyway. For a time, while things were in transition, we couldn’t talk about it… but now that the dust as settled, I’d like to share a bit of what is going on.
In a nutshell: Jenn and I are trading places.
Jennifer is seeking full-time employment in the accounting field. I have severely cut my hours and gone to a part-time status with my employer. I’m staying home with the kids… Jenn is going to work.
Why? That’s a difficult question to answer without telling a 4 and a half year story. Jenn has always struggled with leaving her job. That being said she has always been the best Mom a child could ask for… but almost every day has been a struggle for her. That is why she’s my hero. She’s done an amazing job, better than most, in spite of how the felt while doing it.
For my part, I simply got tired of seeing her have to work so hard to try to stay happy. I got to the point that I was willing to do anything. In order for me to get to that point I had to let go of certain ideas. My ‘perfect’ image of the traditional nuclear family wasn’t so perfect. It wasn’t going to work the way we had it set up. Jennifer wasn’t flawed or broken… we were both just trying to force her into a role she wasn’t meant to play. The full-time, stay at home Mom thing was eating her alive and it was far from perfect. The ideal of raising our kids ourselves hasn’t changed… just the image of what that looked like has.
She asked me how it was fair that I give up my career for her. First, I’m not giving up my calling as a minister… second, how is it any different that what we asked her to do nearly 5 years ago?
Some will be judgmental and prideful. You don’t get to judge. That right goes to myself and and my children. We have decided that she has been and forever will be the best Mom on the planet… because she did a better job than most people who enjoy every moment of it. She has earned this and I’m happy to do it for her.
So far the transition has gone very well. I love spending so much time with the kids. The kids haven’t noticed a thing. Jenn and I have always been equally important to them. They have no real preference. That face is benefiting us greatly. I clean house, do the dishes, prepare some meals… haven’t really tackled anything resembling laundry yet. Some things are best left to the pros.
Change, even good change, is funky. Especially when it’s not instant. Transition kind of floats you in a limbo of waiting and impatience, hope and despair. As we float through the next few weeks I know that though we don’t know what the future holds… someone does and He has a plan to prosper us and not to harm us. Plans that include hope and a good future.
I’m glad we found this new course. It’s different than we planned… but it’s working… and working very well. I like where we’re headed even though it wasn’t how we planned to get there. Joy is returning to the Kennison home. Life is good.
You are welcomed to join us on this new chapter of our lives as it plays out on Geek Loves Nerd the blog and podcast and your prayers and comments are always welcome.
I say this is great. I'm not a parent, but I also know that I couldn't be happy being a stay-at-home mom on a long-term basis. Just because you're female doesn't mean that you're just not supposed to have a career. Jenn is lucky that you're so supportive to give her the opportunity to have what she wants. I hope everyone is supportive of your choices.
Yay for you guys. My mum was in full time employment when I was very young, and my dad took care of us. He worked for our church and community centre at the time, and my sister and I just went along for the ride! It in no way had a bad affect on how my sister and I turned out, and my mum is still the best mum in the world, even though she didn’t stay home. Sometimes that’s just the way it works out – my dad’s job was more flexible so in the long run it all worked out for the best.
The “stay at home” dad thing isn’t a new idea! I’m now 18, so it’s at least that old! Here’s hoping it works out well for you guys.
God bless.
I agree!! People have NO right to judge. Although I believe in today’s society it is not a big deal to be a stay at home Dad. The children will be happy just to have a parent around Dad or Mom.
The family will be in my prayers! I am looking forward to new podcasts.
Good for you James, I can't say how excited I am for you. Although I am not a parent (though I hope to be int he future) coming from a family that my dad paid not attention to me at all, it is exciting and very rewarding to see a role model like you step up and be a great father and husband. And for Jen, what you are doing is amazing as well, from what I have heard from the podcast, God has given you many talents, and I am really happy that you get to glorify him in what he has given you.
God Bless
J.W
Go Jenn! You are a mom who is blessed with skills and credentials for a great career you also enjoy–now you are using that to bless your family. I'm about to jump back into my FT career also.
I think this is fabulous and I'm really happy for your entire family. Your kids are so very lucky to have such awesome parents.
I'd like to ask: Why does society pressure us explain our choices as parents? For instance, my daughter is 8, but when she was born I could feel the pressure to breastfeed. I didn't have any milk, that's a fact, my milk never came in and my daughter refused to latch on, yet I continued to try for 6 weeks. And then I fought with myself for days and days over giving up and just going to formula 100%, THE HORROR! (<–tongue in cheek there) I mean, mother's were all over me! It was as if the moment I really stopped trying then something terrible would happen to my child. But the world did not spinning, the sky did not fall, and the only thing that was different in my household was that I wasn't so freaking frustrated anymore over (what I thought to be) my shortfalls as a mother.
(I had to con't in 2 comments cuz it was too long) Anyhow, what I'm trying to say is that what works for one person doesn't mean that it'll work for another. I admire the change that your family is making.
FWIW, I work in the family business. I came back from maternity leave and cried the whole day because I missed my daughter (who was safe and sound at my grandparent's house), so the next day and every day after that was 'bring your daughter to work day'. I've never regret my decision to be a working mom who brought the baby to work. I still have vendors and customers who stop by the office and ask how my daughter is doing and are shocked to find that she's now in the 3rd grade!
I hope you find the perfect job Jenn!
oh jeez, old habits die hard. I used my online alias Indigo there for the con't comment. Indigo = Kimberly
I just wanted to add here that I heard the other day that 10% of fathers stay home with their kids rather than mothers. That’s actually quite a high percentage! I don’t know how reliable this stat is but I thought you’d like to know.